Perspective

This school year was one of the most challenging adventures of my life...having to leave my fourth graders mid-year was devastating, stressful, and I second guessed my decision minute by minute, hour by hour, week by week, and definitely month by month.  Not only did I have the guilt of leaving my students behind (even though I knew they were well taken care of), but I also came in mid-year to not the ideal situation.  A class had been created for students who were unable to follow expectations within a normal classroom.  These students were put in one class because, as I was told, it would be worse for these kiddos to be spread out through the school, disturbing multiple classrooms.  Coming in mid-year to middle school is challenging in itself, but to come in with this set of circumstances was overwhelming to say the least.  I not only had these kiddos for the 90 minutes of ELA class time, but also 30 minutes of breakfast in the classroom and 60 minutes of study hall and recess.........but, then quarantine came, and my challenging new position as a 6th grade ELA teacher turned into a virtual one.  I hate to use the word 'blessing' under these circumstances, but I don't know how the rest of the year would have gone.  I was there for almost three months.  I had to physically break up two fights, that's the only two that did become physical....I stood between kiddos multiple times to deescalate situations before it got to the physical part (thankfully I taught health last year, so I learned some conflict resolution strategies, didn't always work).  My classroom was destroyed twice by an angry student. I was called names on a daily basis.  My table, I brought from home, was broken in two. And, on a smaller scale, but probably the most devastating for me, they would not even let me speak, they wouldn't even look in my direction, they didn't even give me a chance.....  Within those three months I did have moments....when I persuaded one student to write a rap, because it is poetry of course.  I typed it, as he spoke, and we hung it up on the bulletin board outside.  He showed everyone who would look, what he was able to do.  I also got to know them student by student, I was actually close to breaking though with many of them....I even made some TikToks with them, which they just knew was going to go viral (because apparently if you get an old person in your video, you'll get more views). I needed more time to build trust, and it was cut short.  I don't know how the rest of the year would have played out within a physical classroom, but  I know for sure it wouldn't have been easy...so...maybe...a 'blessing' for me. But, then again I KNOW they needed an adult who believed in them, and inspired them to have higher expectations for themselves. I don't know if I could have done that in the time we had left. ugh! Teaching often produces mixed emotions...just ask Josh! ha!

But....before that virtual classroom became a reality, it was THIS trail around Lady Bird Lake that gave me perspective, needed physical exhaustion-thus relaxation (I had so much frustration and anxiety, this was the only way I was able to release it), and it allowed time to think, change my mind set, make new goals, and be renewed to take on the struggle for challenging students' hearts and engagement once again.  The following pictures show the 10 miles around the lake.  I remember what I was thinking at a certain point on the trail, when I had a new idea come, and when I broke down in tears....all along this path.  Today, was the first day since quarantine I was able to do it again.  It brought back memories, some not so good, some good, but a realization that I can take on any challenges teaching may bring.  I can rise to the occasion for students who push me to my physical and mental limits, because that's what teachers do.  

Here are some pictures of the trail that goes around Lady Bird Lake in downtown Austin, Texas.  It is 10 miles all the way around, and I would love to walk it with you if you ever come to Austin.  :)